The one thing that I want to say it out loud is…
I feel fundamentally flawed and constantly afraid people may find out that I’m a liar because I tried to project myself to be perfect, but deep down, I know that I’m not.
As long as I can remember, I have always carried this fear of not being perfect, not being adequated, not being good enough, and scared of not being liked or loved… so I devoted most of my life to pretend, to please other people and bending over backwards to make sure they will like me.
By doing so, I was unconsciously trading my power to gain love from others. It was so exhausting and disempowering to give away my power all the time, and it created so much fears within because my energy was constantly leaking out.
Then 6 years ago, I finally understood the concept of self love. Not that I have mastered it, but I realised that self love is one of my life lesson. Since then, I have uncovered many layers of fear that I have been holding on to. The root cause of all those fears came from the idea of there is something wrong with me, and that people may find out about it one day and dislike me.
Till today I have still struggled with the feeling of being fundamentally flawed from time to time. And it finally dawned on me that it is time to share this secret fear of mine. Not that it is anybody’s business, but by saying it out loud, I give myself permission and acceptance to be who I am, including the shadow part of me.
To accept my ultimate fear and allow myself to take a honest look …
I know it is okay that I am not perfect.
I know if I fail or make a mistake in the future, I don’t need to hold it against myself or punish myself for being wrong. I have learn to trust that failure and mistake are here to teach me to become stronger and wiser.
And here for you… trying to figure out what resolution you should set for 2017, why not ponder on this one ultimate thing and see if you can gather up your courage in 2017 to claim it and release yourself from the fear of shame and guilt. Share with someone who have always support you and see where it will take you next.
The positive side effect of this might be..
– gaining self acceptance and self love
– being honest with yourself and not living in the dark with fears anymore
– knowing that there are people may disagree with you, but you will also hear from many others who love and support you.